Part 3

Only when I laugh.  A self help guide to the disordered mind

Here is a letter from a very dear friend of mine describing life with a BIpolar partner from a letter she wrote me a couple of years ago.

"First you will notice the rattiness; the irritability. He starts to talk rapidly, doesn’t stop jumping from one subject to another. Cannot sit still, paces about constantly. Enthusiasm - a rare thing normally - to be achieved all the time, day & night. Sleep goes out the window. It’s exhausting. It’s frightening. The unknowable. He’s going “up” again & although it can be great fun, it is so dangerous. Hypomania they call it, everything in excess. Impulsive, spend like mad on ridiculous things. Give him a day or two, no more, have a chat & he’ll recognise the signs & titrate his normal medication up to hold the episode - hopefully. Without doubt medication holds back the high if taken in time. The danger is if he comes off it altogether because he likes to feel “alive”. This can then lead to psychosis, drug & alcohol abuse, dramas of a dangerous sort, police involvement & hospital - either voluntary or under section for a while, until he is stabilised; or the alternative is, he could die, by accident or intent.

In his case he cycles in episodes with Bi-polar disorder which lasts about eighty days, going up & then right down with a dodgy time in the middle of this. High suicide risk. He is also at risk in between episodes for roughly about a week, with self-harming thoughts, especially at night. This is harder to deal with as he is usually really well at this point, so it’s difficult to get right. Keeping a chart or graph is useful, tucked away, like most of his meds, to promote a wellness attitude. Nothing worse than a houseful of pills in boxes, spread around to remind him how ill he is.

In the old days, before he got the label & got some of his life back, he drank - self medicating, they call it. Not what I called it. Mad, bad & dangerous to know wears a bit thin while you duck the glasses & knives, deal with the rages & sweep up the trashed rooms.

People with this diagnosis vary in response, episodes, medication & co-operation. It needs to be an accurate diagnosis as well, as Bi-Polar really screws your life up. They say it is probably genetic, definitely biochemical & quite random. He was bullied at school & had weird parents. His favourite poem “they f**k you up, your mum & dad”. He doesn’t mix with new people or situations easily. He is a controlling person, it’s subtle, until you cross him. Negotiation is the key. It has taken him eight years to come to terms & control his Bi-polar with the help of a brilliant consultant he sees & trusts implicitly, least damaging but effective drugs, including Lithium, that don’t dope him all the time, & avoiding known triggers. He has not mellowed yet & will always have this serious mental disorder. He has never been hospitalised. Life is not easy, coping skills need honing as we get older, but we still live & laugh together. He is worth it.

From the carer, friend & wife"

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age 25. Some people have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life.

Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life.

Bipolar is divided into two sections, 1 & 2 the first one being more severe. I have several dear friends amongst the bipolar 2 group, who understand the phases of their condition & are able to control it themselves without the medication prescribed for it, which they all say, upsets their personalalities & carries serious side effects. They are a joy to be around when they are in their 'crerative' phases, & their intelligence & vision enriches the lives of the people who are lucky enough to know them.

Two examples of iconic characters who were sufferers of this condition are the fabulous Marilyn Munro & the incredible Jeremy Brett, who played the role of Sherlock Holmes magnificently for many years.