Part 2
Only when I laugh. A self help guide to the
disordered mind
Narcissism
My last partner, who I was with for 8 years,
was one of those for whom the sliding scale of borderline into narcissist was
very apparent. He had all the well known qualities of the classic narcissist
but in his bleaker times, would slide into the gloomy depths of the
'borderline'. He told me in his narcisistic state once, “you’re there just to feed my needs”!!!
A dear friend of mine who had also just escaped
from a relationship with a narcissist, told me, “run away very fast, keep
running & don’t ever look back”. I should have taken her advice but by
ignoring her I learned a great deal about living with someone who has this
condition.
Charming, & compelling company to be with,
but spot a flaw in their image & dare to mention it & you are ‘toast’.
They think & speak in a grandiose way & can sell an idea to anyone.
Contrary to the well known image of Narcissus from Greek mythology, who fell in
love with his own reflection & consequently died because he refused to
leave the pool into which he was looking, they actually believe themselves to
be despicable & totally unlovable, & spend any amount of energy, money
(generally not theirs) & time, concealing this fact. They are incapable of
apologising or, in fact, accepting that they have done anything wrong at all,
ever. They expect to be adored & praised well beyond any normal
expectations & often, without having generally earned it. You are there to
bask in their glory & for no other reason. They have no real emotions of
their own & frequently adopt, even steal, others’ abilities & gifts,
claiming that they are their own. They have absolutely no empathy & your
needs will be entirely ignored. Once you have become surplus to requirements,
they will abandon you for richer pickings elsewhere. Conmen & serial
villains run in this category; slick & slippery, silver tongued devils who
lig their way round the globe. Many of them have a violent streak to their
nature & you can end up being physically hurt if you don’t comply. They
have a cuckoo-like approach to life & coast from one place of residence to
the next, seamlessly.
Whilst at the funeral of a former colleague, I
overheard his son exclaim “everyone keeps asking about my father but no one has
asked how I am through all this”! Needless to say I gave him a wide berth!
A book suggestion for this dynamic is "The
Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout
I
am including an index to the DSM Definitions of ALL disorders here:
MentalHelp.net has a full list of disorder
symptoms on their database in alphabetical order
Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath,
psychopathic)
It is possible to have some of this trait mixed
in with other disorders to a lesser degree, but in extreme cases, they have no
conscience, are violent to excess, constantly flout social norms & have no
regard for lawful behaviour. They will often have displayed this violent
behaviour from the age of 15, but can only be diagnosed from 18 years of age.
They have a reckless disregard for others’ welfare, taking dangerous behaviour
to the limit & beyond. They are irritable & edgy & constantly
fighting & causing disruption. They will be completely oblivious to any
hurt or damage that they cause others.
There is no image to preserve here. This is not
about popularity, this is about getting what they want regardless of the cost
& the aftermath of acquiring it. Their behaviour can be puzzling &
brutal.
Charles Manson would be a good example of this
condition.
"The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through
the Madness Industry" is a book suggestion
for this personality disorder.
Histrionic
I will just quickly add ‘Histrionic’ here as it
is listed as part of the big 3 of cluster B of the disorders list.
Characterised by excessive emotional
responses & attention seeking. They
are uncomfortable in situations where they are not the centre of attention
& can be inappropriate sexually & very provocative. They constantly
refer to their appearance & have accentuated or unnecessary speech patterns
or style. Their wild stories can be vague & devoid of proper detail or real
content. They are easily influenced by others & display overly dramatic
behaviour; they are highly suggestible. They can consider relationships to be
more ‘intimate’ than they actually are.
This condition starts in early adulthood, but
is only diagnosed if it persists into adulthood, as it can be attributed to
teenage behaviour in its’ early stages.
Two famous examples of classic histrionic
people are Anna Nicole Smith & the character of Scarlet O’Hara in “Gone
With the Wind”
I
found this link for Histrionic Disorder very helpful http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx17.htm
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