My mother taught me......lol

1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A  JOB WELL DONE . 
"If you're going to kill each other, do  it outside.. I just finished cleaning." 
 
 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.  
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 
 
 3.  My mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL. 
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock  you into the middle of next week!" 
 
 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 
"  Because I said so, that's why." 
 
 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .  
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me." 
 
 6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT. 
"Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident." 
 
 7. My mother taught me IRONY.  
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 
 
 8.  My mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS . 
"Shut your mouth and eat your  supper." 
 
 9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM. 
"Will you look at that dirt on  the back of your neck!" 
 
 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  . 
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 
 
11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER. 
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went  through it." 
 
12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY. 
"If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 
 
 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE. 
"I brought you into this world, and I can take  you out.." 
 
 14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 
"Stop acting  like your father!" 
 
15. My  mother taught me about ENVY. 
"There are millions of  less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents  like you do." 
 
16. My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION. 
"Just wait until we get  home." 
 
17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING . 
"You are going to get it when you  get home!" 
 
 18. My mother  taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 
"If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 
 
 19. My mother taught me ESP. 
"Put  your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 
 
 20.  My mother taught me  HUMOR. 
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't  come running to me." 
 
21. My  mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 
"If you don't  eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 
 
 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.  
"You're just like your father." 
 
 23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS. 
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think  you were born in a barn?" 
 
 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.  
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 
 
 And my  favorite:  25.  My mother taught me about JUSTICE  . 
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out  just like you !" 

Part 3

Only when I laugh.  A self help guide to the disordered mind

Here is a letter from a very dear friend of mine describing life with a BIpolar partner from a letter she wrote me a couple of years ago.

"First you will notice the rattiness; the irritability. He starts to talk rapidly, doesn’t stop jumping from one subject to another. Cannot sit still, paces about constantly. Enthusiasm - a rare thing normally - to be achieved all the time, day & night. Sleep goes out the window. It’s exhausting. It’s frightening. The unknowable. He’s going “up” again & although it can be great fun, it is so dangerous. Hypomania they call it, everything in excess. Impulsive, spend like mad on ridiculous things. Give him a day or two, no more, have a chat & he’ll recognise the signs & titrate his normal medication up to hold the episode - hopefully. Without doubt medication holds back the high if taken in time. The danger is if he comes off it altogether because he likes to feel “alive”. This can then lead to psychosis, drug & alcohol abuse, dramas of a dangerous sort, police involvement & hospital - either voluntary or under section for a while, until he is stabilised; or the alternative is, he could die, by accident or intent.

In his case he cycles in episodes with Bi-polar disorder which lasts about eighty days, going up & then right down with a dodgy time in the middle of this. High suicide risk. He is also at risk in between episodes for roughly about a week, with self-harming thoughts, especially at night. This is harder to deal with as he is usually really well at this point, so it’s difficult to get right. Keeping a chart or graph is useful, tucked away, like most of his meds, to promote a wellness attitude. Nothing worse than a houseful of pills in boxes, spread around to remind him how ill he is.

In the old days, before he got the label & got some of his life back, he drank - self medicating, they call it. Not what I called it. Mad, bad & dangerous to know wears a bit thin while you duck the glasses & knives, deal with the rages & sweep up the trashed rooms.

People with this diagnosis vary in response, episodes, medication & co-operation. It needs to be an accurate diagnosis as well, as Bi-Polar really screws your life up. They say it is probably genetic, definitely biochemical & quite random. He was bullied at school & had weird parents. His favourite poem “they f**k you up, your mum & dad”. He doesn’t mix with new people or situations easily. He is a controlling person, it’s subtle, until you cross him. Negotiation is the key. It has taken him eight years to come to terms & control his Bi-polar with the help of a brilliant consultant he sees & trusts implicitly, least damaging but effective drugs, including Lithium, that don’t dope him all the time, & avoiding known triggers. He has not mellowed yet & will always have this serious mental disorder. He has never been hospitalised. Life is not easy, coping skills need honing as we get older, but we still live & laugh together. He is worth it.

From the carer, friend & wife"

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age 25. Some people have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life.

Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life.

Bipolar is divided into two sections, 1 & 2 the first one being more severe. I have several dear friends amongst the bipolar 2 group, who understand the phases of their condition & are able to control it themselves without the medication prescribed for it, which they all say, upsets their personalalities & carries serious side effects. They are a joy to be around when they are in their 'crerative' phases, & their intelligence & vision enriches the lives of the people who are lucky enough to know them.

Two examples of iconic characters who were sufferers of this condition are the fabulous Marilyn Munro & the incredible Jeremy Brett, who played the role of Sherlock Holmes magnificently for many years.

Part 2

Only when I laugh. A self help guide to the disordered mind

Narcissism

My last partner, who I was with for 8 years, was one of those for whom the sliding scale of borderline into narcissist was very apparent. He had all the well known qualities of the classic narcissist but in his bleaker times, would slide into the gloomy depths of the 'borderline'. He told me in his narcisistic state once,   “you’re there just to feed my needs”!!!

A dear friend of mine who had also just escaped from a relationship with a narcissist, told me, “run away very fast, keep running & don’t ever look back”. I should have taken her advice but by ignoring her I learned a great deal about living with someone who has this condition.

Charming, & compelling company to be with, but spot a flaw in their image & dare to mention it & you are ‘toast’. They think & speak in a grandiose way & can sell an idea to anyone. Contrary to the well known image of Narcissus from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection & consequently died because he refused to leave the pool into which he was looking, they actually believe themselves to be despicable & totally unlovable, & spend any amount of energy, money (generally not theirs) & time, concealing this fact. They are incapable of apologising or, in fact, accepting that they have done anything wrong at all, ever. They expect to be adored & praised well beyond any normal expectations & often, without having generally earned it. You are there to bask in their glory & for no other reason. They have no real emotions of their own & frequently adopt, even steal, others’ abilities & gifts, claiming that they are their own. They have absolutely no empathy & your needs will be entirely ignored. Once you have become surplus to requirements, they will abandon you for richer pickings elsewhere. Conmen & serial villains run in this category; slick & slippery, silver tongued devils who lig their way round the globe. Many of them have a violent streak to their nature & you can end up being physically hurt if you don’t comply. They have a cuckoo-like approach to life & coast from one place of residence to the next, seamlessly.

Whilst at the funeral of a former colleague, I overheard his son exclaim “everyone keeps asking about my father but no one has asked how I am through all this”! Needless to say I gave him a wide berth!

A book suggestion for this dynamic is "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout

I am including an index to the DSM Definitions of ALL disorders here:

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=26

 MentalHelp.net has a full list of disorder symptoms on their database in alphabetical order

Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath, psychopathic)

It is possible to have some of this trait mixed in with other disorders to a lesser degree, but in extreme cases, they have no conscience, are violent to excess, constantly flout social norms & have no regard for lawful behaviour. They will often have displayed this violent behaviour from the age of 15, but can only be diagnosed from 18 years of age. They have a reckless disregard for others’ welfare, taking dangerous behaviour to the limit & beyond. They are irritable & edgy & constantly fighting & causing disruption. They will be completely oblivious to any hurt or damage that they cause others.

There is no image to preserve here. This is not about popularity, this is about getting what they want regardless of the cost & the aftermath of acquiring it. Their behaviour can be puzzling & brutal.

Charles Manson would be a good example of this condition.

"The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry"  is a book suggestion for this personality disorder.

Histrionic

I will just quickly add ‘Histrionic’ here as it is listed as part of the big 3 of cluster B of the disorders list.

Characterised by excessive emotional responses  & attention seeking. They are uncomfortable in situations where they are not the centre of attention & can be inappropriate sexually & very provocative. They constantly refer to their appearance & have accentuated or unnecessary speech patterns or style. Their wild stories can be vague & devoid of proper detail or real content. They are easily influenced by others & display overly dramatic behaviour; they are highly suggestible. They can consider relationships to be more ‘intimate’ than they actually are.

This condition starts in early adulthood, but is only diagnosed if it persists into adulthood, as it can be attributed to teenage behaviour in its’ early stages.

Two famous examples of classic histrionic people are Anna Nicole Smith & the character of Scarlet O’Hara in “Gone With the Wind”

I found this link for Histrionic Disorder very helpful http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx17.htm

Part 1

Only when I laugh. A self help guide to the disordered mind

Those of you who know me personally, will know that I’m always banging on about this stuff. I don’t have a degree in psychology or psychiatry; I’m just an alternative therapist trying to understand the challenges that we face in life. In this climate of social unrest & broken relationships, any skills that help us deal with all this is always welcome.

I didn’t realise it at the time but, my mother was so obviously ‘borderline personality disordered’. She was angry, bitter, clinging & abusive, both physically & mentally. She was obsessive, controlling & drove everyone else away & tried to prevent me from having any kind of life outside our hallowed walls! It left me with a blue print which made me repellent to healthy balanced people but made me attractive to other damaged & incomplete individuals. After finally managing to extract myself from an 8 year marriage to a violent, ‘narcissistic’ partner, I had had quite enough, & realised I needed to learn new skills to break free of this downward spiral.

One day, whilst sifting through body language stuff on the web, I spotted Richard Skerritt’s publications called “Tears & Healing” & joined the chat forum. It helped me cope within the non-life I was currently trapped in. Eventually, newly inspired, I completed my NLP practitioner certificate & now feel more in balance with life & better able to choose wisely, people I want to have up close & personal. I think my saving grace, has been my sense of fun & my jester-like take on life. These things have stopped me from going under through the things that life has thrown at me.

The most obviously occurring abusive disorders seem to be, borderline, narcissistic, & anti-social (sociopathic) disorder. There are many other catagories, including Aspergers Syndrome. I consider myself exceedingly fortunate to have three friends all with Aspergers, who say that they feel relaxed & at ease in my company, which must be an immense relief for them.

Borderlines fear abandonment & react strongly to actions they perceive indicate that they are being abandoned.

Narcissists fear that their perfect image in others’ eyes will be damaged, & react strongly to any threat to that image.

Sociopaths lack remorse & conscience & choose actions only with regard to their impact on themselves

The leading condition seems to be what the diagnosis is based on even though several conditions may exist together at the same time. My personal experiences have mainly been with the first two conditions but I know of close friends who have dealt with people in the last group. None of these groups are easy to live with & each present their own challenges. I will try & deal a bit more fully with each condition as a separate article.

Not all conditions are as extreme & many people live quite well & within their disorders, especially if they find a partner who compliments them. Trouble only starts if the balance is shifted or the individuals within those partnerships begin to worsen or become more extreme. Some people are so extreme, they have difficulty in any relationship, & life with them can be a roller coaster ride but far from fun.

Borderline Personality Disorder

So many people I’ve spoken with over the years, that have lived with ‘borderline’ people, have echoed  my own memories of my mother. They demand your undivided attention, upsetting arrangements that you may have made, or deliberately sabotaging commitments so that they can keep you with them. They are unstable, quick to anger & mistrust, & even if you do devote infinite amounts of time to spend with them, they can be abusive & cruel to you, imagining all sorts of wrongs that they feel you have done them, even though you may not have left their side. They can be incredibly manipulative & conive behind your back, & make it seem that you are, in fact, the ‘bad one’. Their tempestuous outbursts & extreme behaviour can be so frequent that they drive away all your close friends & relations.

Living with someone like this is exhausting, as you try constantly, without ever succeeding, to defend yourself against unfair accusations, & grab some much needed personal space. If you do snap & turn on your heel & exit without a backward look during an argument, you will be met with a barrage of begging & pleading & promises of better times to come. When you do return, you will be continually tortured verbally or physically to make you pay for your abandonment.

All round, you can’t win, but if this is someone your truly have deep feelings for or it is a close relation or friend that you can be tolerant of, then you may find coping mechanisms for the short period you are with them will help.

Chemical or alcohol dependency will make any condition worse & unfortunately, many disordered people self medicate to lessen the painful effects the awareness of their own behaviour causes them. It’s a chicken & egg situation as one affects the other on a continuous treadmill.

Three of my favourite books to offer coping strategies have been

“When I say no, I feel guilty” by Manuel J Smith

“Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul Mason & Randi Kreger

“Families & how to Survive Them” by John Cleese & Robin Skinner

“I met the devil & he was wearing Armani”

Whilst on one of those random meetings having a ‘cuppa’ with two of my mates from the battered women’s’ group, we came around to discussing why we each made the choices we did. Lorna always gets the married ones, I get the ‘mothers’ boys’ who keep saying they’ll leave home & don’t, & Lindsey gets the crooks & drunks, or substance abusers. We are occasionally joined by Phil who is a struggling husband. We have met because, of course, the common denominator is that we have all been ‘battered’ spouses, whatever else dysfunctional was in the relationships we inhabited.

We are all at the point of completion of about 2 to 3 years of counselling & therapy & are looking to our next step. We have managed to get past the excuse phase; “it was my entire fault, I made him angry” “he was tired” “he’d had a bad day at work” “I was wearing the wrong lipstick/dress/hairstyle/underwear…….”

The fact remains that it has taken us this long to get to a point where we can be reasonably candid about our various situations & far enough from the pain to achieve a degree of realisation; that we have all made bad choices in partners.

The support has been there, however, limited, to get us to a stage where we need to move on, but the help is sparse, restricted & the waiting lists are long & the prospect of “where do we go from here” hangs heavily upon us.

I’m beginning to sound like a cracked record as I expound on the wonders of Neuro Linguistic Programming as an effective form of treatment for so many things including Abuse Recovery Therapy. If your conscious mind can be stilled for a moment & your unconscious mind is given the intent, what has taken us an average of 3 years, can take about a day using NLP & Hypnosis techniques. The unconscious mind can process information in less than a heart-beat & afterwards, it is difficult to even recall the unpleasantness of incidents, & even if you do have a vague recall, it is equivalent to a mirage in the desert. This is a far less “in the emotion” way of dealing with painful memories instead of pawing over every cruel detail & making it more difficult to distance yourself from it all & move on in life.

A strong structure for interpreting the world we live in using eye patterns, body language & verbal techniques make us a more effective member of society & the human race. This knowledge in turn, makes us better communicators & avoids us either having to use or being caught out by the primeval actions that drive society at a base level.

I rather enjoy having my 5^th dimensional specs on & being able to see the world I live in, in its purest form, & not as others would have me believe it is!

Thanks to my early brush with the wonders of NLP, Hypnosis & Time-Based Techniques, I have long since left all my unwanted emotional baggage behind & have qualified as an NLP Master Practitioner with a particular interest in community projects & support group work.

I am a practising shaman & mystic & am always keen to get involved in workshops & projects & enjoy writing articles for a variety of publications.

  Feng Shui

The Art of Creating Sacred Space

I became interested in ‘sacred placement’ through other energy work and massage. It has been a constant and on-going passion over the last 20 years and has been a complimentary addition to the arts I’ve been privileged to learn.

I have found a direct link between health, mental state and spiritual awareness, and the aesthetic environment we occupy. I discovered there was a comparable association with the meridians of the body and the energy flowing round our homes and other areas we occupy in our daily lives. It has been a long and fascinating journey so far and I’m not even half way through! So, I thought, I’ll just ramble on about it in this article and see where it leads me!

In the Orient, natural energy placement and geomancy is a part of everyday life, and everything they do is in harmony with this. Even architects take this into consideration when designing any structure. I’m sure many of you, as children, have sat by a stream and watched the water flowing, and noticed that if a stick or leaves gets trapped, the water carries on flowing round it in gentle curves, and leaves the stagnant edges untouched. This is what happens in the environment: energy flows in the same gentle curves and where ever there are sharp corners or jagged edges, it creates a stagnant area of energy. This is extremely unhealthy for us in our living quarters or places of work as this stagnant energy creates similar sympathetically in us and we are deeply affected by it.

In the East they design living areas in a more harmonious way, allowing for energy to flow freely; not placing structures too close to pylons, major roads, other tall imposing buildings and natural features like mountains, rivers or underground fast flowing water, which create upheaval and distress, even though we may be quite unaware of the effects!

In the West, we don’t care about things like this! Architects are the new gods and build where and how they like. Prime building land is a rare resource and properties are becoming more and more suffocatingly  small and crammed together. However, it is possible to remedy the mistakes that occur in the places we live and work, using sacred placement cures and ‘clutter clearance’ techniques

Clutter Clearance

The biggest sin we commit in the West is that we own too much ‘stuff’ and actually don’t need half of it. We have it all stashed away or gathering dust somewhere, blocking up those vital corners and preventing the energy from flowing freely. We also tend to hang on to things that need repair or that we may never ever use again but are too reluctant to get rid of. The things we treasure that link us to our past and ancestry should be displayed in a proud and beautiful way and tended to regularly to avoid dirt and decay. Things that we use as part of our lives should be in good order and stored in a harmonious and healthy way. Everything that is broken or damaged should be repaired or disposed of. Everything that is surplus to our requirements should be recycled to help others and keep the energy flowing. We have too many projects on the go at one time, and often we can never finish them; they just add to the clutter, or tie up valuable resources financially or energetically, that could be better focused elsewhere.

It is never easy to attend to, or clear cluttered areas, and the more that area of our dwelling is linked to an area of our life that needs serious work, the less easy it will be to focus on it and deal with it! We often use quite elaborate and convoluted ways of avoiding clearing the areas we need to, as our conscious mind strives to maintain the status quo, whether it is good for us or not! It is our subconscious mind that holds the picture of harmony that we need to adopt and instinctively we know that it is right, but still we are reluctant to effect the change we so need!

Clutter clearance is a constant and on-going task throughout our lives, where ever we live or work, but it becomes so much a part of us and easier to do as time goes on. Also it is advisable to do this in bite sized chunks, as stirring up energy on a vast scale in your home, can create WW3 with all sorts of emotional wounds laid bare! Do what needs to be done at the time and take a break when you feel it is right to do so! Trust your feelings on this, they will guide you well!

Sacred Space Remedies

Once you have broken the back of the clutter clearance, you can begin to incorporate the ‘remedies’ to enhance the positive energies that you are slowly uncovering and becoming accustomed to.

Check the perimeter of your property and heal any unhealthy energy that is invading. Bury quartz crystals around the perimeter at intervals and hang a pa kua mirror above the entrance. This will insure that only those energies you want to enter do. Hang wind chimes at entrances to deter negative energies and bring in ‘good’ energy with visitors. Use strategically placed mirrors to deflect unwelcome energies from overlooking buildings, trees too close, or pylons and other current carrying structures. Coils of stainless steel wire can be buried in the earth to remedy underground water or other invasive energies like ley lines, at their crossing points to and from, your property.

Entrance and Exit doors should not be opposite each other. If they are, deflect energy by blocking path with mirrors, screens or beaded curtains, so that you do not allow vital personal energies to flow straight through and out, of the home.

Plants, and even cats and dogs, will cure sharp edges and corners in rooms, or deflect blocked energy from an awkward corner; however, dogs and cats tend to move about, so use other living things, birds, fish or greenery for this cure. Avoid spiky plants and always have an odd number of fish! Small mirrors that are just big enough to see your eye in, are also perfect for this.

Internal doors tend to block energy when closed, or trap energy behind them. Where sensible, change for screens or beaded curtains that tinkle when touched. They have a wonderful effect on the energies of the living space!

Where possible, beds should never be end on to the door. This is considered bad luck, as you leave your home feet first when you have passed away, and death to an Oriental is bad luck! Remedy with a mirror on the back of the bedroom door, or re-arrange the room. Make sure that you are not overshadowed in your bed by too much tall imposing wardrobes. Heal with strategically draped material or mirrored fronts. At night, cover mirrors that are facing the bed, with material, so that the swirling energy does not keep you awake or make you exhausted. Do not stuff too much junk under your bed if you can help it, or place quartz crystals under your head area as a remedy if you have to use the space for storage, and keep it as tidy as you can.

Place a set of wind chimes above your main cooking area and a small mirror behind to reflect the positive energy of the cooking station back into the home.

Chi and the Eight Enrichments

A simple plan to help you understand the areas of your home, office, or even desk, that are related to areas of your life, can be drawn to help you to locate areas of your dwelling that relate to your mind, body or spirit. Draw a rectangle, long sides horizontal. short sides vertical, on paper in front of you. Divide into 2 rows of 4 squares. Starting bottom right and going round clockwise, label the squares in this order:-  Prosperity and Fame, Peace and Happiness, Pleasure and Indulgence, New Beginnings, Relationships, Children and Family, Wisdom and Experience, and Wealth and Money. Note where entrances fall in this map, and use the same layout for each floor of your property. You will soon see that certain areas may be misplaced and need changing around or remedying.  Make any changes slowly and carefully, being aware of the energy movement as you are doing this, and the feel of the energy after each change has taken place. This is the fun part! feeling the energy changes and the positive effects on your life. Playing with the energy and ‘tweaking’ it as you go, is all part of the transformation!

Give your home an  energy ‘spring-clean’ every so often, by using sound and incense to move blocked or unwelcome energy. Smudge sticks waved into corners or swirled into inaccessible places like under beds or in cupboards or wardrobes, and don’t forget the loft or cellar, if you have them. Clapping, drumming, gongs, bells and music are all very useful and appropriate for balancing and harmonising the energies in your space. It can make you feel as if you have been on a Wurlitzer afterward though, so make sure that you do this at an agreeable time for all concerned. The folk you share your space with may not entirely embrace these ideas, so do what you can and wait for the knock-on effects.

I have known these basic and simple techniques to cause all sorts of disputes including divorce, as people’s energy reaches its’ full potential, and others they share space with, resist change. There are stagnant people as well as space, and they have to embrace the constant and ever changing environment, or move to a space more in keeping with their needs. Life is a constantly changing dynamic and to deny this is to invite discord in body and mind. No one can dictate to another how space and time is used, it is purely personal, and each of us has the final word on our choices in life. Accept the things that ‘space clearing’ reveals about you and use this knowledge to grow and strengthen in spirit.

Have fun playing with the energies in your personal space, and ‘happy space clearing’ too! Grow and transform; enjoy yourselves!

Good luck

Pebbles