Peaceful World

During this morning’s meditation I became aware that the street outside was quiet, devoid of traffic and no other sounds apart from birds and the rain on the window. The soft occasional temple bell sound from my phone timer was the only thing to gently break into my reverie. I could have been anywhere in the world; halfway up a mountain or in the middle of nowhere for all the outside noise of which there wasn’t any. Nothing mattered really, and any passing thoughts quickly moved on unchallenged.

It reminded me of my first day at school when I was 5. I came from a home where there was only mum and no other siblings my age, the radio was on sometimes for Woman’s Hour or the “Play for Today”, the quiet would have been deafening had I had a comparison. I wasn’t allowed to make noise, shout, sing, keep up chatter and ask questions, I would be hissed into silence. Mum didn’t do people or social situations. She was reclusive. So I largely spent my time in the garden or drawing pictures and reading, (lucky I could read at an early age I suppose!) and thinking.

That first day in the playground was a terrifying experience. I spent it cowering in a corner with my hands pressed tightly over my ears against the barrage of noise that was nothing short of painful. I kept trying to escape back into the sanctuary of the school building, only to be turfed back out again. The staff obviously thinking I was faking it. The other kids got accustomed to calling me “weird” or “thick” because I didn’t have any idea how to interact on a social level, never having had to before. After a week or so (not sure how long) I got on with the hubbub and the people and surrendered to what is normal life. A final temple gong had sounded somewhere some long time ago in the back of my mind and with no real idea how long I had “sat” I attempted to move. Both buttocks had gone completely to sleep and my legs and feet were numb and difficult to move. I had been on that cushion for 40 odd minutes and it took me a while to kick myself into the day, but the insight and internal space I created for myself was priceless.